#018: 夢想實現。

Oh my god, oh my god, I got into 台大. My dad rushed into my room at 6:30 this morning and asked if I'd seen it, and of course I hadn't. He told me I got in and I fairly screamed and leapt out of my bed while he shushed me with a finger but a smile he couldn't hide. It's not seemly to brag, but I still can't get over the fact that I got into the number one university in Taiwan, number two in Asia.

Before the results came out today I had no decision to make: it was UCSD without question, but now I'm second-guessing myself and I know the next few days (and weeks, once I visit the campus when I get there) are going to be hard times. The decision's not going to come easy, but I think I already know where I'm leaning.

The only way to channel my excitement is to put it up on Facebook! I joke. I've been really hesitant to put UCSD up there, but NTU is an exception and it's going up now. It's not a final choice, so it's subject to change at any time. I am so happy, I really am.

#017: 愛情的遊戲。

San Francisco is no NYC big lights, but to me it's the city of love. You can feel so alive, yet so empty, when you're there. Union Square, Chinatown, Golden Gate Park, how you fill me with such longing. When I look across the lake, green with algae reflections, ducklings on a stroll with their mother, I want to hold your hand. When I walk the streets in Chinatown, I wonder if you would enjoy my culture and embrace it as much as I do. When I walk around Union Square and reach the plaza with the giant heart at the entrance, I hope yours is as beautiful, as bold, and as large as it is.

Whoever you are, I hope I meet you soon.

#016: 跟我說再見, 我有可能會哭出來。

It hasn't hit me until tonight that tomorrow is my last day of high school. I didn't realize that tomorrow is possibly the last day I'll ever see my friends and classmates together in one place. As much as I've complained about how I want to hurry and go to Taiwan, I don't want to leave anymore. I'm so scared of being away from my friends and people I'm familiar with. I don't want tomorrow to be the last day I'll see people.

I'm being so sentimental about this... I never though I would cry at (or less, about) my graduation, but I'm crying right now and I don't even know. Saying goodbye hasn't ever been this hard for me before, not even on the last day of AID. I really hope I never forget any of you, because I'm scared I will.

#015: 開心和好朋友。

I am so gleeful right now, haha. Today was fun, and felt so carefree. I would have been content ending the season like we spent it today, but I can't let go just yet. Beach banquet in exactly one week! It'll be great fun.

Norris and Katrina got first in league, as expected. Beasts, I say! They're awesome. I got third, as I expected. Despite my slight disappointment that I could have gotten second if I had just pushed a little harder against Stephanie, I am content with third, because I would have had to play #1 again, and I really don't like playing her—not because I have never beat her, but because she plays way too fast, and when I ask her to slow down, she gets annoyed with me. I rightfully have thirty seconds in between rallies, so it's not my fault I want to stop before you fire a serve at me! It's not a very friendly or clean strategy, in my opinion.

So much laughter, so many inside jokes, so much poking (thanks, Katrina) so much bonding time, so many new friends from opposing schools, especially Piedmont, whose team is just awesome. I'm going to miss this so much. It's been a wonderful season, and it ended on a wonderful note. I feel as if I've left nothing undone in badminton, the next step is just picking our successors.

Of course, tomorrow is crunch time. I'll probably go in there to work at lunch to catch up on checking pages. Saturday is senior ball! I couldn't be more excited.

#014: 快樂。

I originally went to the mall with the intention of hunting out another suitable dress for senior ball, but after a thoroughly exhausting and unsuccessful search, I'm still going with the first one I bought. Instead, I bought my senior recital / graduation(s) dress, with the help of my mother's eagle eye for pretty, classic dresses. For all of one hour I was actually considering wearing it to prom because the style is so classical and elegant, but I think I'll save it. I'll be wearing it to three different occasions over the next month!

I also caught the last happy hour for Starbucks frappuccinos. An awful pity that Oakridge only offers the half-price to soy Strawberries and Creme, meaning I got stuck with a Mocha Light in the end.

Organizing senior prom (because I love doing it, that's why) is not half as bad as I thought it would be, but I speak prematurely since I've only had to send a total of two e-mails. Last year, it was dinner that stressed me out; this year, it's going to be table groups. Unexplainable drama is bound to come from this. 好玩的事情不要搞的太複雜!

#013: 老實說。

I never realized how much I love photography and taking photos until Claire started bringing along her SLR to all our gatherings. I am much too timid to ask for one for my birthday, especially because even the cheapest, smallest ones are so expensive, but I really would love to have one, especially because my brother won't let me touch our family camera. Using the reason that he's afraid I'll wreck it, I don't even want to try asking for one for fear that my parents will use his reason against me.

I suppose I am much too superficial.

#012: 時間不多。

你和我的爱情就像风筝一样。没风的时候，就起不来，永远留在地上。但有风，有空地，就很有可能会飞走。我好害怕你离开我。但你一点都不怕。为什么我们的爱情会变成暧昧？你答应我你很简单，但我对你的感觉可复杂多了。到最后还是我受伤。没完没了，你的游戏。我知道你关心我但我因为太心痛，没办法陈任。

#011: 羽毛球隊。

(筆記)

Each senior received:

4 yellow carnations and 1 yellow rose
1 Senior shirt, spray painted, courtesy of Aileen Ngo
1 poster, signed by all team members
1 event poster, with names attached to event
1 piece of cake, vanilla or chocolate

"Does anyone have any questions?"
"Uh, yes, we have an announcement..."
(Underclassmen come parading through gym doors, holding flowers attached to shirts)

I was the first one announced and Mary came up to give me my flower and t-shirt. I love you! ♥

(謝謝)

Thank you guys so much for today. I really, really wish I took pictures or asked someone to shoot video to capture the moment. I've never seen the team so much like a family. Even though today's game wasn't stellar, it was without a doubt the best home game all season long. Thank you for making my senior season end on such a high and happy note. Thank you for putting up with my Angry Captain Lady quirks and still being my friend. I love you all to heaven and back; college has never looked so frightening now that I'll have to leave this team and second family behind. You all have great things ahead of you, keep up the good work! I'll come to visit often ♥

#010: 生日快樂。

(1) Happy birthday to Elizabeth, Kimberly, and Grace, in that order! High school has been one heck of a ride with you three, and I have yet to process the fact that this is the last birthday I will be able to enjoy, the first week of May, with you three together, like we did yesterday, which was so much fun. (So many commas!)

(2) Senioritis kicks in hard, fast, and kicks my butt, too. I should care about my last two AP tests, but I can't bring myself to open books and get to work. I have a to-do list to accomplish, and it's going to get done, I will see to it.

I think I had more to say, but with (2) I should get to work. More later, if I finish my work quickly. Ciao-su~

#009: 咖啡廳。

Are you happy?

This was the first question you asked me today. Yes, I am, very much. I'm not only happy because of the infinitely creative and sweet way in which I was asked today, but also because you, in particular, asked me this particular question. It hurts when we don't talk for weeks, and it was very nice to know that you still care about how I fare, how I feel.

I am very happy. I sincerely, truly hope you are, too.

#008: 心情。

I am never buying Lion Brand yarn again. I all but chucked my knitting needles at the wall just working on the first row. If you're going to unravel like spaghetti in the first ten yards, at least identify yourself on the label so I know when to ignore you!

#007: 離開我。

I don't care. Why should I? It's so easy to breathe when there's someone on your side to stand by you, to protect you, to shield your heart and wipe away your tears. But when there's no one there you question the hole you feel, the emptiness and how it eats away at you. I'm not breathing, I'm breaking.

I don't hate you, and I'm not angry. I say I don't care, but anyone who lifts my head and looks into my sad, unhappy eyes knows it's a lie. I care, very much.

#006: 沒關係。

I've always been one of those people who will constantly tell myself and others "I'm okay, I'm alright, I'm fine" when I'm actually not any of the above. These few weeks I have been asking myself if senior ball is worth the stress it's causing. I keep reassuring myself that everything will be fine in the end, that it's about the fun and the memories and not about the setup or the background, but in fact I've never been so unhappy.

There's not a girl in this world who wouldn't love to be asked to a dance. First claim: once you accept the fact that you're not going to be, it's actually not that bad. Next claim: I lie. It's a terrible feeling, and I do feel pretty bad.

In any case, date or no date, I'll feel so guilty if I don't go, so I am determined to go, smile and bear it through, no matter how frustrating the preparation is. It's the road that's bumpy, but the destination will be worth the while. I really hope it's worth the while.