#030: 不高興。

To be truthful, I haven't been very happy these past weeks.

How would you feel...

• when the few people you thought you could trust in a place you're not familiar with act like you're invisible?
• when you become a burden to these people who act like they want nothing to do with you?
• when they take you out because they have no other choice, but don't even bother to look you in the eye and walk at least ten feet in front of you at all times?
• when they see you crying over the phone to your parents because you need to vent, then misjudge the reason for your tears and attempt to comfort you for all the wrong reasons?
• when a whole department of an elementary school relies on your Chinese/English skills in order to communicate with other volunteers who haven't attained the same level, pressuring you to be a know-it-all?
• when your efforts and attempts to do the job correctly start to lose meaning because no one seems to care or notice?
• when you start to wonder why you're doing the job in the first place, when you're getting nothing back from it, not even satisfaction?
• if your feelings are so mixed up and you can't tell right from left?

I've cried twice in the past week and I get up every morning half-energized and not ready. Never ready. I am tired of being ready. I want to stop.